Cheating is very complex, and can happen for many reasons. Like what Mark and Peggy said, the reason behind the cheating is important. Were you both not as sexually active, is he not interested in you, do you need to liven things up? Is he searching for intimacy?
The reason why will determine more of what you should do. For example, maybe he was not expressing his needs, and made a bad decision to fulfill them elsewhere, but you can now talk it through and figure out how to satisfy his needs.
However, if he feels that he cannot find sexual satisfaction in your relationship, it does not matter if you can forgive him if he will have the urge to cheat again.
I think I am consumed in missing out on the friendships. The roommates, the support and the going through it with someone/ other people.
But you are right, many people do not experience it, and what it is is probably not what I imagine anyway.
The shame, I remember it mostly when I started becoming friends with my ex.
We were friends for years before we dated, but I recognize never feeling like it was a good friendship now that I look back.
My shame came from not fitting in, for being awkward. I was his friend but he did not want people to know I was his friend because I was not apart of the cool crowd.
I think shame for not being more confident in myself and not expecting more. Shame for forgetting my goals and chasing a boy instead. I was very studious and had lofty goals in life, and then they turned into trying to be better for him.
I am ashamed of forgetting who I was and what I needed for the sake of love, that was not really love.
It started when I was so young and I think I look back and wish I had known better to be more dedicated and keep my sights where they needed to be.
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