Hi Karina,

What I’ve learned about women groups is that when one member doesn’t behave the way the others expect her to then that member is eventually pushed out. The only way to survive is to play the game. In other words, you can’t ever be perceived as a threat in any way to the queen bee or anyone who’s close to her or your days in the group are numbered. But you’re not a game player, you have a mind of your own,  and they know this about you. They know that you are not easily manipulated. I think you were going to be pushed out eventually anyway and they are simply using your minor mistake as an excuse to do it because honestly it’s all so ridiculous. I mean, everyone has done what you did! Everyone has made the mistake of talking about something that he/she shouldn’t have. And you apologized over and over again! So anyway, this is the way women groups work, unfortunately.

Yes, I believe they will eventually get back from the universe what they put into it. A person can only treat other people badly so many times before it all catches up with him/her. Their time will come. I believe that deep down each one of these women knows she’s been behaving badly but her fear of being ostracized from the group herself is stronger than the guilt she feels about hurting you.

Maybe now is the time to reframe it as YOU not wanting anything to do with any of THEM. Seriously, they are not that great. Say to yourself thank goodness I’m free of the mean women in that group! You are now free of worrying how what you say and do will be judged and gossiped about by them. Realize that what you have now is so much better than what you had with them. You are free! As we get older we realize how important it is to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, that the quality of our friendships is so much more important than the quantity. And shame on those judgmental mean women for making you feel the way you do.

Oh and be careful not to base your sense of self on how you perceive these women now see you (“Looking Glass Self” concept). We ALL make mistakes, are all flawed, but they are trying to convince you that you’re the only one. Don’t believe them!

B