Dear Lindsey:

I don’t think he took your joking text the wrong way, not texting you today is probably nothing to do with that text. He is a bit of a mess, as so many of us are. Not about your text.

“K is mad at me for my texting yesterday”- when your mother kicked you out of her life, basically, it was not because of anything you did. But you thought it was something you did, children think this way. Fast forward, someone does not respond on time or at all, to your text, you think: what did I do wrong? It is an automatic reaction because of your unfortunate experience with your mother.

“what if he never texts”- that is the all-or-nothing distortion, “never”- a child thinks in these terms, always and never. Most of the time there are things in between the always and never.

“maybe he didn’t think (the video) was funny”-probably. I can’t tell you how many times I thought someone will  love a song or a movie because I did, but didn’t happen. Same for people sharing with me a song they feel so strongly about, or a movie they just love- didn’t mean anything to me. The connection between a video and enjoying it is highly personal.  Better not even share videos, or songs, expecting someone to enjoy it or find it meaningful just because we do.

“maybe he is not in a good mood”- sounds right, he is often not in a good mood, from what you shared.

“He will contact me again”- most likely.

“there may be a disagreement but that does not mean I will lose that person”- an activation of your experience with your mother, that is all it is.

anita