Hi K,

It seems to me that your anxieties are a result of your insecurities – “as soon as he lets go of my hand”.  Have you considered that your father having an affair and hurting your mother was a threat to your security?  Did you ever wonder what would happen to you if your parents divorced?  What will happen to you if your boyfriend lets go of your hand?

Trust issues relate to insecurity.  Your father had an affair.  Your boyfriend is not your father.  Those other boyfriends were not your father.

Self esteem issues are always ‘internal’.  It is how you feel about yourself on the inside.  Do you feel good about yourself?  Your boyfriend will know, even if it is subconscious, that you have low self esteem.  You can work on this – it’s easier than you might think.  It takes a little effort but it’s worth it for the long term benefits it will have over your whole life.

With regard to talking to your boyfriend, have you discussed your parents relationship with him?  Bottling your feelings up is the worst thing that you can do – what is wrong with talking about your hurt and your anger?  Children are very good at “blaming” themselves.  If you cannot trust yourself to talk to your boyfriend, it might be beneficial for you to find an impartial listener to speak to.

Do you want to know how to stop worrying?  It’s easy.  Every time a worrying thought appears say the word “STOP”.  Thoughts are fleeting – you can control them, you can let them go.

I hope you can find a safe environment where you can discuss your insecurities and come to terms with what happened during your childhood between your mother and father.

Peggy