Anita,

i felt more depressed, worthless, and doubtful then ever today. Not sure if it is any of the meds but my self wasn’t me today. Usually I can still love me. Today not so much. I feel like that insecure, codependent little girl I once was. It’s funny you brang up codependent. I felt it today. I will not lie I almost called Him my ex. I felt I needed to be saved by someone, anyone. And still do. So hard to do this alone. I had to sign the lease and don’t think I can withdraw. I wish I could. I don’t think I want to be here anymore. I’ve only deteriorated in the last two months. I know some of this was my reactions and in ability to focus on me. My therapist told me the day this happened. Focus on you and your goals or you will lose yourself and that’s what they want. And surely I have! I’m disappointed. Scared and hopeless. I don’t want this to be my life. I was actually learning to love me and honor me and live life independently. How did I fade? I don’t know what the point is at this point.