Dear Nichole:

This is what I wrote to you June 24 following a thorough study of your thread up to that point: “You described yourself as a people pleaser. You are a very angry people pleaser, so after doing some pleasing, you  lash out angrily, ragefully, at the person… The way you view other people change drastically- one day he/she is good, next- bad… the images of others change from good to bad… You considered or referred to almost all the people in your life as narcissists… You are stuck in the pattern of reaching out to family members so to be loved and be taken care of and lashing out at them angrily. You are very  likely to be stuck in this pattern in a relationship with anyone, in personal relationships, at work and anywhere else. You are yet to have a relationship free of this pattern of reaching out to the person and then lashing out, and then again, repeat. You get confused: you doubt that you were abused when you were abused (all through your childhood) and you see abuse where it is not (later in life). Every time you think that you are abused you lash out, and then you regret it because you get confused: was there abuse, who abused whom and who is the narcissist of the day”.

Your response to the above was on the same day: “I cannot deny you are correct. Especially that last sentence. I do look for abuse because I am used to it.. I do not know how to separate abuse from someone just being themselves”.

This means, Nichole, that if I had you live with me, you will lash out at me sooner or later. Don’t want that experience.

The issue is closed, Nichole. I entertained the thought because I felt empathy for you, wanting to help you, wanting to hold your hand and tell you it will be okay, be there for you. I didn’t offer that you live with me, I thought about it.

anita