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GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH

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This topic contains 404 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 361 through 375 (of 405 total)
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  • #305225

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    Things look worse to you than they really are, it is not as bad as it looks to you. The sky is not falling down. You will be okay.

    If you take the Zoloft at the same time every day, it shouldn’t cause you brain zaps, not if you take it according to the instructions.

    Are you at all in contact with your younger brother, anyone from your family these days?

    anita

    #305227

    Nichole
    Participant

    No I am not in contact with anyone. I think this is the problem. How can one be so lonely and suffering from insomnia, ptsd, codependency and severe anxiety???

    I just don’t feel safe to go to anyone but my mind and head keeps telling me I should. I just know they aren’t going to be able to be emotionally available but maybe at least be in their presence will help?

    #305229

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    You can try and see, call your bother and see if it helps this time. I can’t be there with you physically and maybe that’s just what you need, someone to be there with you physically. Call him then, what do you have to lose?

    anita

    #305231

    Nichole
    Participant

    My power, my pride, my ego. I should have called from the beginning. By now I’ve been an insomniac, I’ve gone through so much. I feel like I’ll never be the same again.

    I wish you could be with me physically.

    i could use guidance and support. Can I come to you?

    #305233

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    Oh Nichole, I thought about that, I thought about it a while ago, but of course I have significant reservations, because, for one, there are so many, many people who need help, a few already suggested living here, a neighbor, a friend, asking to live in a tent on the property. There are homeless people all around… so many people needing a place to stay.

    Tell me, if you were here with me (and my husband), what will you need, how would it be like, what will it be that will make you feel better? Describe it to me, will you, best you can, let your fingers type and type, telling me what it will make The Difference for you???

    anita

    #305235

    Nichole
    Participant

    Really did you think about it?

    What would be different? I’d have someone who understood my struggle. Someone who has gone through where I have been. A physical being friend who doesn’t just want to take advantage of me. Maybe a fresh start. Maybe a break away from people who wish to hurt me. Maybe a time to heal my head and mind. Maybe some guidance. Maybe a place to feel safe that would calm my fight or flight response. I don’t have anywhere like that here. And the more I am alone the more I feel worse.

    #305237

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I feel quite emotional, and so very sad. I know I need to sleep and will think better tomorrow morning. I will get back to you in about 12 hours. Please try to relax into sleep. If you need to, post anytime you want, if you have more to write, to type away. Be back tomorrow morning.

    anita

    #305239

    Nichole
    Participant

    i have no more energy to type tonight. I feel like I’m withering away. I pray I get some sleep

    #305281

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I hope you did get some sleep. I can’t have you live with me, Nichole. I have the space but I don’t have the resources that it will take: arranging for your medical and psychiatric care here, as well as psychotherapy, going with you to those appointments and talking to the doctors and therapist who will see you so to figure out a plan of healing for you. Seeing that you take your medication as prescribed, knowing what to do if you refuse (we don’t have the legal right to force you), learning what to do when you get angry at us, what do we do then….? And so much more.

    It reminds me of a women’s shelter where I lived for a very short time, that could be an arrangement for you: it was a house in a nice location, by the ocean, had many rooms, adult women, some with children shared the rooms, food was provided, no rent to pay, meals would be cooked by the women, sitting together to eat, a counselor or two visited every day to talk to individual women about their life situation, all this was paid by donations.

    I wonder if such a place exists in Chicago.

    anita

    #305283

    Nichole
    Participant

    Anita,

    I would not get angry. I am complying with my meds. I am kind and loving. I am genuine and need assistance from someone who gets it. I can make my own appointments. It would so amazing to have someone like you in my life.

    My life is upside down and I’m fearful of what’s to come. I didn’t get any sleep. This is my biggest issue. I can’t keep calm. I feel unsafe.

    #305289

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    This is what I wrote to you June 24 following a thorough study of your thread up to that point: “You described yourself as a people pleaser. You are a very angry people pleaser, so after doing some pleasing, you  lash out angrily, ragefully, at the person… The way you view other people change drastically- one day he/she is good, next- bad… the images of others change from good to bad… You considered or referred to almost all the people in your life as narcissists… You are stuck in the pattern of reaching out to family members so to be loved and be taken care of and lashing out at them angrily. You are very  likely to be stuck in this pattern in a relationship with anyone, in personal relationships, at work and anywhere else. You are yet to have a relationship free of this pattern of reaching out to the person and then lashing out, and then again, repeat. You get confused: you doubt that you were abused when you were abused (all through your childhood) and you see abuse where it is not (later in life). Every time you think that you are abused you lash out, and then you regret it because you get confused: was there abuse, who abused whom and who is the narcissist of the day”.

    Your response to the above was on the same day: “I cannot deny you are correct. Especially that last sentence. I do look for abuse because I am used to it.. I do not know how to separate abuse from someone just being themselves”.

    This means, Nichole, that if I had you live with me, you will lash out at me sooner or later. Don’t want that experience.

    The issue is closed, Nichole. I entertained the thought because I felt empathy for you, wanting to help you, wanting to hold your hand and tell you it will be okay, be there for you. I didn’t offer that you live with me, I thought about it.

    anita

    #305291

    Nichole
    Participant

    I am a people pleaser who has lashed out. But I have done work and I continue doing work. And most of these people have indeed abused me.

    I am so afraid of being alone and scared to turn to family. I know you only entertained the thought. And I’m not upset at any choice you make. I just wish you would know how much I need someone to hold my hand through this. Yes I’m a woman. But an abused woman who has no love in her life. No one who cares or understands what an abused person feels like. It would be a blessing to have someone in my life to help me through this rough patch. You have been here, you always understand me.

    #305299

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I think I do understand you. But I am limited. I will give you a current example of my limitation: there is a rooster that the neighbors have been having for the last week. This rooster makes a whole  lot of noise every morning and every afternoon. It is driving me a bit crazy. I am trying to remain calm about it and am thinking of emailing the neighbor about it, but am hesitant, not clear about what to actually say in the email. I suppose I can start a thread asking for advice about it, and I may.

    See, my peace of mind is not challenge free, in my very current living.

    anita

    #305303

    Nichole
    Participant

    I see. Sorry for that disturbance you are having.

    i would definitely email. It is a disturbance.

     

    i know you are limited and i get it.

    im just frightened for my life Anita!

    Why do I feel this way? Why won’t the stress response calm down for me. Lately it has been on a million. I have had no relief in between. It is bad.

    i don’t have anyone to turn to. Not one soul

    what do I do, and where do I go? My apartment ready on the first and i don’t even want it!

     

    I dont want want to be here

    my life seems ruined. And I know my insomnia and anxiety are playing their role in this but can’t stop it. The thoughts

    #305305

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    Thank you for the advice regarding the rooster, good advice.

    What happens when you take the Xanax, no relief?

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 361 through 375 (of 405 total)

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