Dear Peggy,

Wow, it hits me when you said why would I not be affectionate when I was angry- because I was starting to think that it was not a normal reaction. He would say something like “When you’re angry and I say I love you you dont say it back”… Well of course I shut down and retreated into my shell, I was angry. But I was made to question my own behaviour and I thought he was calling me out on things I could improve.

Dear Inky,

I encouraged him so many times after finding out, that he should try to find and get in touch with him again. The thing that turned me off the most was that I have a daughter, she was very, very close to him, and when I asked (over the phone) if he’s going to give her a proper goodbye he said “please stop calling me” and it made me sick that he thinks its OK to just disappear on her lile that but what did I expect? He’s had a history of taking off.

Dear Anita,

Your comment is spot on too. Thats exactly why I felt like I was turning into a monster, I became very possessive and I did not at all like that version of myself. I wondered if I should turn a blind eye and just sucked it up, but I guess my higher self just knew it was a bad idea that’s why I ‘acted up’ by bringing up ‘lets break up’ everytime we fight lately.

I guess he knows where my weak spot is. Its very easy for me to feel guilty, and take the blame, thinking everything is my fault and I guess thats what he did because he said “You haven’t been happy for a long time and I tried and tried to make you happy”… He doesnt seem to understand that we were happy, until he decided to do what he did to someone he said he ‘loves so much’…. Why do we blame ourselves when it’s clearly the other person and not us?