Dear Catherine:

“Why do we blame ourselves when it’s clearly the other person and not us?”-

My answer: when I was a child and my mother told me that I was a Nothing, a “big zero”, I figured that I was. I blamed myself: why am I a Nothing, why am I a  big zero, shame on me!

I didn’t blame her.

Children blame themselves, not their parents.

Fast forward, as an adult I kept blaming myself. Some of my behaviors were not right and I was responsible for them. But I blamed myself for everything, and very often, not knowing what it was that I was guilty of and what I wasn’t guilty of. I felt guilty for everything, so I wasn’t able to discern and correct the behaviors I was guilty of and stay away from people who were abusive.

Fast forward more: had my first quality psychotherapy and learned to tell the difference: oh.. this behavior is not right, it harms others, I shouldn’t do that… and this behavior, that other person shouldn’t do that and I need to stay away from that person.

anita