Kathryn

Control of your life is important to you, as with most of us.  You talk about making eye contact with people and how that can be awkward and uncomfortable.  Eye contact, especially sustain eye contact connotes intimacy which can be uncomfortable with most people.  It seems that you yearn for a close connection with people but it’s hard.  You have “lost” the only real intimate relationship in your life with being so physically distant from him.  It looks like you are a highly sensitive person who is very much in tune with not only your own emotions and energy but others around you as well.  This makes it hard to navigate life and being around people, yes?

There is a deeper aspect with your Family-of-Origin which I am sure anita will ask you about that influences what you are going through but I won’t ask or go into that.

Your stuck and tiredness and lack of motivation to exercise or have the fear of eating well tells me that being depressed  I believe it is important that we feel that we have *some* agency in our lives.  How I view this eating/exercising/body image thing is looking at where I want to put my energy and focus.  I use to run marathons and bicycle 100 mile rides.  I would structure my days around the training and the recovery of that.  I did that out of fear of not finishing.  I learned and got tired of having my whole life revolve around this.  I let go. Instead I worked on being OK with who I am and what I am.

Make sense?

Mark