Hi Anita,

I agree that it should be a win-win, and I have been trying to implement boundaries around responsibility. It has been an ongoing practice. However, with my boyfriend, I find that when I try to have a conversation about things that are concerning, he stonewalls (gives very little in response, won’t make eye contact). He doesn’t know how to effectively communicate, and this is where a large part of the anxiety comes from in the relationship. I try to offer strategies, and let him know exactly what I need when we are in conflict. This is also why I found my ex’s approach so soothing. I need to be able to talk through things and have a plan of action to move forward. I do not get this now, and it causes me a lot of distress.

I understand that I am responsible for my feelings; and I want to be able to do that, however, I am feeling like I am taking on an emotional load which is exhausting me.

The boundary work is something I will continue to practice.

V