Mark,

I am not sure, part of me want to forget what i saw and still be in that magic bubble. There is one more part of me wants to scream and ask for an explanation, why he did that, why he did not tell me he was with someone already?, do i look too fragile to him than he did not think i could handle it?, was he only playing with me?

And finally there is part of me that is relieved all this is over, perhaps i always knew he was not available (emotionally or whatever).

So, i do not know if i am ready to move on, i want him so much, i miss the time we spent together, the talks, feeling understood. I want to know why and since when he was with her, event though i am not sure i can handle the truth. I feel he is/was my friend and i do not want to lose him, but friends do not lie to each other, right? That is why i wonder if i should ask directly if he is with someone the next time he talk to me. Perhaps he had been trying to tell me over this weekend we talked, but i always changed the topic. He said: “now that i am less stressed i ask myself what next?, what do i want?”, “i do not know what words to say or not to say to you”, “what do you want”. I knew deep inside me, it was someone else.

I know, a lot of contradiction in me.

Kay