Dear CluelessCarrot:

I appreciate Valora’s excellent insight and advice for you.

I re-read your posts on this thread (and I remember a very similar thread you had before, same topic, same story, under a different account). This is what I believe happened in regard to this woman:

She was correct when she told you that you hated her (“She told me.. That she thought I hated her”), and your friend was correct when he told you “that she didn’t want to come get a drink  at the bar I run because ‘(my name)  is mad at me and I don’t know why'”.

The reason you ghosted her five years ago is because you were angry with her.

The reason you were angry with her is that you thought that she didn’t like you (“I cut contact  because I didn’t think she liked me back”).

I am guessing that throughout a big part of the five year relationship you had with her before you ghosted her, you were angry at her on and off. You felt emotionally attached to her on one hand, and on the other hand you felt that she didn’t like you, that she thought negative thoughts about you, that she was rejecting you.. so you  got angry.

You wrote to her: “I always doubted your feelings”- it is difficult for you to believe that someone can truly love you. You are suspicious. I suppose as a child you had a good reason to be suspicious of the grown up  in your life loving you.

If you want, do share about your childhood experience. It may help you if you do, and I will be glad to read from you and respond.

anita