Hi Robert,

I picked up from your post to me that you are really hurt to see your wife ‘drinking and happy’ when you return home.  She is drinking for a reason (unless it’s just the occasional social drink) and this frequently denotes anger issues.  She sounds anything but happy.  I think you are assuming that this new man will not be subject to her abuse should he move in with her.  Patterns tend to repeat themselves and, unless she gets treatment and deals with her underlying issues, he could well become another “you”.

As far as expecting your wife to work, I think you are in a Catch 22 situation.  She won’t go out to work whilst you pay for everything (including her drink) and mentally you think you can survive like this for two years.  Work out a budget that just covers basic necessities (no drink) and see what is left for you to ‘bank’.  You will know better where you stand after you’ve seen your lawyer but it might be better to rent somewhere and just pay the minimum that the law says you have to for your children.

I basically agree with everyone else who says that this is not a healthy situation for any of you to be in and the sooner you can remove yourself from it, the better it will be for everyone.  Perhaps you can ask your lawyer where you stand with regard to the children whose safety must be paramount.

Peggy