Dear Maria:

I don’t think that it is your “insecurity and neediness (that) pushed him away”. I think that it is these things that pushed him away: “we’d have pretty bad fight… I’d blame him… we had another one of our arguments where I blamed him”.

There is a difference between insecurity and neediness and aggression. It is possible to express insecurity and neediness without aggression. And you have done it in times, during those conversations (“very openly spoke about our issues”)- but you also started arguments and fights with him.

Sometimes people cave in to aggression, surrender to it and proceed to live a life of misery and dysfunction. At other times, people reject aggression and leave.

So now what?

You wrote: “he doesn’t believe that we can get better, he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore”- question is: did your aggression permanently kill his feelings for you.

What is certain is that if the two of you got back together, if you do, then any aggression on your part will be destructive and very unwise. It is possible to have a non-aggressive relationship, and in your case, non-aggression is not an option but a necessity, if you were to get back with him.

Your thoughts?

anita