Hi Manon,

A different perspective, perhaps a way in to why you can’t let this go, when you can’t stop letting your SIL have this piece of power over you when you don’t need to let her do so.  I understand it’s frustrating your husband won’t agree with you and you probably feel let down that he’s “picked her over you” on this one thing. You can’t understand why he doesn’t see them the way you can.

But it’s not really about taking sides.  I suspect given your own family, you were eager to find another family who loved you and when it started so well, had high hopes. When these incidents occurred, it would not be very surprising if they triggered all the same old feelings of betrayal and not belonging to your own family – and now also this ‘new’ family are rejecting you, not including you.

Like others have said, it does seem a bit of a pathetic power play by the SIL who wants to be in charge, come what may. But if it wasn’t a trigger point for you because of your own history, you’d be much more likely to see it the same way – and it wouldn’t bother you so much as it does.

You have your own healthy and happy family now, your husband and kids. That’s huge, awesome and wonderful given your struggles. Try not to punish your husband for not seeing what you can see, perhaps try and explain your own perspective too. Then accept it is isn’t going to be the bigger loving family you wanted and that’s ok – you already have what you want and need in your own family.