Shelby it’s so nice to hear from you!

Firstly, whilst change can be scary and overwhelming it sounds like things are shifting at full speed for you and that smells to me like a whole load of new experiences and ways into potential happiness! So I’m glad to hear that you are trying to keep yourself out of your comfort zone and trying your best to embrace the chaos of it all & the trip with your dad sounds lovely! I always think my family & I don’t do enough of those! Perhaps an idea to put into practice. What’s the latest on the travel plans?

Just on a side note though, I know the pain associated with the ex may still be intense but you have no idea how proud I am of you from this end. There is a massive shift in you since you’ve made the consecutive decision about work and travels and just generally going forward! I am glad at least one of us might just be in a different headspace by October eh!

In regards to Mr A, our values are somewhat aligned, goals on the other hand though clearly we can’t agree on those. & there is still an awful lot of resentment, anger, disgust almost directed towards his family members who I literally cannot stand… the toxicity of these people and the fact that they go on about their lives when they didn’t even bat an eye lid at ruining mine, it can quite easily send me into a frenzy. I try to do my best to ignore these feelings and not let them come at me on a daily basis but they are still something that is reoccurring. Whether it’s linked directly to trauma, PTSD or simply just a normal human response it still takes effect.

It’s so crazy because I genuinely think I know what I need to do but yet there’s this underlying little ray of hope that’s like well what if things are different?! But I think if anyone should know that things never just magically become different it should be me and you Shelbs!

Nonetheless, at the moment we are still in the flat etc so no decisions are being made just yet. I need to learn to not be so hard on myself and accept this as just one of the many mistakes that I’ve made and that’s all.