Hello X,

Are you also experiencing the heat from where you are?

Hmm, I thought that your original stance was that the Witch was not evil, she merely wanted to protect her child. Now you seem to be saying that she was not an ideal mother, the one who would allow her child a certain freedom of movement or exploration. So the question is, if the Witch was a paranoid mother, then her child should probably have been removed from her influence, shouldn’t it? This is exactly what happened. Do you suggest we agree with the developments of the fairy tale, but pity the Witch as a sick person?

Never wrote that she was a good parent, wrote that she was overprotective. Of course, whether that overprotective is evil can only be decided by the one experiencing it. Yet, what is strange is that while she is called “the Witch”, she had only exiled Rapunzel and cursed the prince. Of course, she did warn Rapunzel of the outside world, so it’s not surprising that she would exile her after finding her with the Prince. Rapunzel had ignore her warning and chosen to interact with the outside world. Her actions are somewhat cruel, but compare to actually ordering the execution of the main characters, it is quite tame. That, and the Prince had impregnated Rapunzel too so don’t think she was prepared for that surprise.

The Witch had locked Rapunzel in the tower since she was a child, even though she had yet to cause trouble so it can only be assumed that the Witch was hiding Rapunzel away for her own reasons. After all, her biological parents seem to fear the Witch too much to retaliate and they were also paying the price of their actions. And for this child whom she had chosen to raise, she probably did not want that child to experience the same pain she might have gone through herself. Though it’s whatever the storyteller was feeling at that time and might not have contributed much to the thought of the Witch locking up her daughter in the house. In many ancient societies, daughters staying in the house until they got married was quite common and many of them probably only saw the area of their house and not much else.

Just like Matt and I discussed – a partner is a rock and a safety net in life. I can also quote Ecclesiastes, “Two are better than one…”

That’s a nice thought, but can’t write the same of sharing that sentimentality with you. I don’t understand the desire of a relationship for someone to be something to you. Friendships are mostly organic happenings that a person chose to put in effort to achieve. So shouldn’t a romantic relationship be the same? Certainly, a friend doesn’t have to take care of you while you are injured or sick, but wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that you actually have a friend who would? Traveling is definitely a pain with all the luggage so why not just bring a small luggage and backpack? That doesn’t require someone to look after it for you. And even if you went bankrupt or lost a job, it doesn’t mean that your boyfriend wasn’t contemplating breaking up with you as is. A partner can be a rock, when they choose to be by their terms, never yours.

The question is, are the French men like that just because they are like that, or did the French women do something special so that the French men are like that?

You’ll have to ask them who taught them manners.

No. Friendships are even, slow-burning affairs. I don’t feel the need to ask what my friends think of this or that all the time. And I don’t want to hug them like I want to hug my men.

Now, it may be that I am actually referring to the initial stage of falling in love when I say “elation.” Naturally, friendships don’t have it.

But don’t you have good feelings when with interacting with your friend?

As for hugging and chemistry, are you familiar with the oriental saying that goes something like this: “Likeness on the level of the mind gives birth to respect, likeness on the level of the heart gives birth to friendship, likeness on the level of the reproductive system gives birth to sexual attraction All the three combined give birth to love”?

So by definition friend and lover are not the same and can’t give the same feeling.

Do you not view your partner as a friend?

Because I didn’t ask to be born. Everyone who is courageous and aware enough to ask existential questions finds an answer that suits him or her. Including “no answer” or “just because.” That is my personal version – that I was born to be happy given that I was born at all.

No one was asked to be born. And many parents take that for granted, threatening their children that they were the one to give them life so they should be grateful to them.

You are not the only one to be seeking happiness. It seems to be the eternal quest of human kind. It’s just that your answer to ‘happiness’ lies in the hands of someone else.

You’ll want to wait until your parents passed away before committing to euthanasia.

Maybe a life alone is what they wanted? We are talking about what one thinks one wants vs what one gets.

There are people who wanted a relationship, but didn’t get it yet managed to create a life for themselves.

Why “wallowing”? Maybe they say that they are fully aware of all the hardships of “love in a cottage,” yet, they are ready to follow you. And you love them so much that you don’t want to put them through those hardships. Who is right then?

“Wallowing” is not giving up even when they were told no.

Hoping is so shallow, in my opinion. Don’t “hope,” don’t “try” – go ahead and do things!

You can do, but hoping is what you aren’t the judge of. For instance, hoping someone better due to illness or external crisis. Besides, aren’t you always hoping for those whom you fancy to take notice of you and engage in the dance called ‘dating’?

And “if you can’t be with them” – but maybe your “can’t” is merely your lack of effort?

And what kind of effort are you putting in, waiting for the other person to take notice of you then asking you out on a date?

Oh really? Say, you are overweight. You know that it is bad for your health. You know that you would be more attractive if you were lean. Your partner says that s/he respects your choice (after all, s/he did fall in love with you the way you were, right?), but gives you the reasons above. Will you insist on staying overweight, because it is “about appearance”?

Depending on your socioeconomic status and geographic location, a food desert might not be unusual. So if you can only obtain certain products because of so, then complaining does little to change your situation. Of course, there’s also genetic and disease to look at regarding anyone’s appearance. Whether a person is round because of their choosing or because circumstances led to it, you would have to ask that person.

But this is objective reality that one needs to take into account when interacting with men. One may not like it, but it is there.

It doesn’t mean that men can’t change or become aware that their upbringing was less than sexist. If your partner can’t support you emotionally because of his upbringing than how much are you taking up the emotional labor instead?

Aren’t you friends on social networks with your former classmates and colleagues? Even with those with whom you don’t interact anymore? Nearly everyone is guilty of browsing through their lists of “friends.” Only some do it every other day. I have done it maybe two or three times in the course of the last ten years. But yes, I did do it. At the same time, I do know people who are not on Facebook. But that way, they don’t have the temptation.

I did have a FB, or so I thought until I tried to logged into my account only to be told that it has been too long that I’ve logged on that they had to verified that it was me. Yet I am not aware of anybody I’m personally in touch with still using FB so I had to abandoned that account since I never gave my phone number and couldn’t get verified by email. So no, can’t say I’m interested in the affairs of others so much. News of job and relationship aren’t really interesting unless I have to attend to a function.

Okay, if you tell me that you have what it takes in psychology background to pronounce my ex not to be a covert narcissist from what I have written about him so far, I will believe you.

If you are only an amateur in psychology, then I’d say that your guess is as good as mine.

Have you heard of the term “opportunity cost”? To put it in simple terms: the loss of a potential gain by way of choosing an alternative choice. So you choose to do something, but you are giving up the opportunity to something else because you chose that path. Say, hanging out with friends instead of working. Buying this instead of this.

Your ex was weighing his opportunity cost. He actually told you that he wanted to try again? Or was it to actually try at your relationship? Yet, he was also talking to his wife at the same time and telling her a similar story. All the while, he had the other woman who he had a sexual relationship with too. So three choices and he had to choose one. And he made his choice, after going through his opportunity cost, after much debate and pros and cons and what have you, however he decide things. So he was in control of his decisions. Someone with NPD would not have gone through a process of elimination until he came to a conclusion. NPD, similar to psychopaths, operate on instinct. So they act then they use logic to back up and defend their actions and choices. If your ex had NPD, and if his extinct was to love this new woman then he would have abandoned all logic to divorce right then and there to be with his new partner. But he didn’t. Rather, he went a process of elimination by calculating his opportunity cost with all three of his partners until he concluded that the new partner was the best. And he didn’t even dump you, but ghosted you. NPD are very sure of their decisions so he would have told you if you no longer served any purpose for him.

Why are psychopaths so scary? Because they won’t stop at anything to achieve their goals.

Men are known to fall for new women even when everything is fine in their current relationship. As somebody said, they fall in love anew not because the new woman is better, but because she is different. Say, what was missing for Tiger Woods in his blond supermodel wife?… That is why I do think that for my ex, his love simply has a shelf life. Sooner or later, he wants change and new “high,” emotions and upheaval in his life.

If his love had a shelf life, then doesn’t that mean that he wasn’t as invested in the relationship as he had you believe?

And why are bringing cyber stalking up here?

Just for your information, even though I do have social media accounts, I have the bare minimum filled out there, just one picture and no posts or updates whatsoever.

And yes, I still survive without a smartphone.

People can use information very creatively, they just need the intent to obtain it and do so.

Good for you, I can’t survive without my laptop and internet connection.

Such friends as you describe are hard to find and such friendships normally build over several years. Yet in my life, I have had people with whom I was very close for extended periods of time, but who, as time showed, stopped being friends (or maybe, didn’t consider me to be their friend in the first place themselves).

I wonder if you aren’t too pessimistic or too scare of failure sometimes. As you’ve learnt with your romantic relationships, some friendships do have their deadlines and there’s not much you can do, but wish the other person whom is no longer in your life well. And that’s sad, but that also gives you space to look for new friends who can show you the world from their perspective. Not all relationships was made to last, no matter how much you sometimes wish it would. It is merely one of life’s lesson on ‘ephemeral’.

True, I intend to spend time learning about the other person if I feel that we have sexual chemistry for each other. But this is what I tried to do with my ex. Two months of regular communication by all means after just two weeks together at work was just that – me trying to get to know him. I was naïve, I thought that after he said “I love you,” he would proceed to divorcing his wife. After I said I loved him, the very next day, I summoned my #2 and said it was all over between us.

Rather than fear starting a relationship, you don’t want to fail in the relationship. Were you still together with #2 while your ex was pursuing you? It’s no wonder you attracted the attention of your ex then, seeing as he simply found someone who is somewhat similar to him. The oriental saying fits into why you started the relationship. Your mind and heart were in similar places so of course you found him comforting. He had no qualm cheating or at least needed the attention of women while you had no qualm starting a relationship with a married man as long as he gave you devotion and a vague promise to divorce to be with you. You had a choice to end the relationship once you found out he was married, but you still persisted. People attract others of similar mind and heart. So ask yourself, what is it about your mind and heart that attract other people like him?

Don’t agree. He may understand some of the things required for a relationship to function, but he can’t say that he understands things that are required for a relationship to function long-term exactly because he goes from one date to another and has never really had a long-term relationship.

But isn’t it because he met so many people that he realizes that every relationship is different because the people is different therefore he can tell you how to create a foundation, but not the whole building? Besides, not every person is meant for long term relationships. Some prefer it short term.

I maybe one of those who decide that I want to spend forever with him before he even asks me out. And then I may be confirmed in my initial impression or, on the contrary, I may find out that I had been wrong – the chemistry that seemed to be there is not there. That is why I want to find out about the man as much as possible before we date so that I know whether I am still interested (that the chemistry I felt didn’t evaporate) and don’t lead him on.

Why so keen on forever? Just because you are compatible in the beginning doesn’t mean that people don’t change. And that change might bother you as the wavelength you both operate on diverge.

At the same time, the guy who led me on, the big boss guy, my ex – they all have that perfect excuse that my brain makes up for them. That they are lost, don’t know what they want, suffered from another love of their lives who jilted them, have young kids at home, that their wives are demanding bitches, etc. etc. And here I am who knows their worth, who will support them through thick and thin, who really loves them no matter what – I can show them that beauty, intelligence and faithfulness can coexist!… Now, I am not saying that all of this is valid for all of them in equal measure, but you get the picture.

How can faithfulness exist when there is the potential to cheat on their partner, especially when they were married? And your ex did that exactly.

Oh yes, I love those memories! Only my mind always brings me back to what I have now (vs how I imagined it would be) and I don’t like the difference between the dreams and the reality (even though my reality is not that bad at all!!!) Also, the knowledge that one can’t relive those days when everything was still possible, all the routes open, everyone was still living and I didn’t know what I know now is bittersweet.

The past seems to hold significance for you since it serves as a foundation for a lot of things for you, one of it your relationship. You seem to build a foundation of something then hold onto it until it no longer serves it purpose. After all, you built a foundation of infatuation and wait until your love might be return. It seems you wait because you want to be right about the other person. If he show interest then ask you out and if you still like him, then you date. You date because you’ve laid down most of the foundation already. And even when your partner showed bad habits, you still chose to wait. Until you/he broke up the relationship. But I don’t call it naive at this point that you chose to believe the words of your ex, seeing as he was the third person whom you chose to date that was married. Ever heard of ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’? What did you learn from the two relationships that you still let yourself choose your ex? What exactly were you choosing; your ex or being in a relationship?

Have a good one.