Dear miyoid:

You are welcome.

“I have to be able to create that affection by myself and not need it from anyone else”- your quest is impossible. Reptiles don’t feel affection for others of their species, or for humans because they are not social animals. Dogs and people are social animals, so we feel affection for others. A dog will not be wagging its tail if it is not expecting to be interacting/ socializing with another dog or human. Affection takes place in the context of social interactions.

You are afraid to express your true emotional experiences with your parents, fearing that your true emotions will hurt and anger them, leading to a confrontation. You are afraid to hurt your father and lose him: “I can even lose him”-

-this is what children/ adult children do very often- fearing to lose a parent’s approval, even life- we choose to lose ourselves instead.

anita