Dear S:

Thank you for your empathy and kind words. My purpose in sharing with you was not only to continue to process my stuff but to make a point to you: do not underestimate the power of a mother over her child, particularly if the mother expresses to the child how much she suffers.

His anxiety and panic attacks- that’s probably something he suffers because of her power over his life. So  she continues to suffer from back and joint pain while inflicting suffering on her son.

Reads to me that he would benefit a whole lot from continuing a relationship with you but he can’t, because his empathy and loyalty is with her, not with you. So he is likely to continue to suffer as his mother continues to suffer from her back and joints. When her husband returns to live at home,  he will suffer too. Best you can do is not join that suffering party by marrying him.

anita