Hi Anita

Thanks for the recommendation, I will check out Mark Williams for meditations.

Regarding the anger- it comes up mostly in my intimate relationships with men that I date. The trigger seems to be where I feel most vulnerable somehow- or somehow feel threatened that I care more for the person than they do me. Unsure if that makes sense.

For example- recently with A. I have fond memories with A as he was really the first man I felt safe to be so open and excited towards and it came so naturally. There was a time where we were laying together and I was kissing him and I guess being very tender towards him. However, It then occurred to me suddenly that A never seemed this way with me, and I suddenly experienced extreme rage. I of course didn’t express this rage because I knew it was out of proportion. And just let it come and go. I realised how extreme the reaction was and how potentially psycho I would have been had I acted on it.

This experience (rage) has only come to light with the vulnerabilities that dating brings but its very offputting in a way as I don’t want to feel so extreme and am aware that should I go with my emotions all the time I could potentially end up emotionally abusive. I of course don’t want to be this way, but it sucks, feeling too emotionally damaged for normal relationships. That’s how those experiences left me feeling at times.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by afeels.