First off, I want to say thank you to all who read through my post, I know it was long and I appreciate you all taking the time to comment. It means a lot.

There are some good points here, especially from Peggy. What track do I want to get back on? Jeez living as friends only or even more terrifying, brother & sister is not something I would be looking forward to and honestly if we only could get back to where we were when we were dating, I really don’t think that would do it for me. To be honest our 4 years of dating were ok. We have always had trouble in terms of communication on any real issues concerning our relationship. The years of dating my wife in my book were just ok. I have been in other relationships where physical intimacy, emotional connection and communication was not a huge issue. But what attracted me to my wife was that her personality was totally different from anyone else I dated. She made me laugh and we got along very well. Her inexperience (meaning I was her first serious relationship) in relationships was one issue that I first had, but I figured that things would work themselves out. And they did for a little bit. Quite frankly during the 4 years of dating no one else came along to make me question my decision. After we got married and bought our first house was when I first really notice a decline in physical intimacy and emotional connection. We rarely talked about anything else but our day, we were on different schedules and as much as I tried to keep the spark alive, there were many times that I reached out only to be shutdown or questioned as to why I think that she didn’t love me anymore. I was committed though and honestly I don’t give up on things very easily, I loved and cared for her very much and I thought she was worth it to try and correct anything I thought was an issue. But it can be very hard to change someones “values” or “convictions” to conform to yours. Make no mistake, though, my wife is a good and generous person, great mother to our kids and an extremely hard worker at home and her job.

The death of my son has really magnified the issues that we have in our relationship and I don’t want to abandon my wife and kids in a time when there is so much pain, but I can’t help “fix” my family if I can’t “fix” myself first. I am not using that as an excuse for the affair, but god when someone comes along and walks beside you in your pain, it’s hard to not follow it. And it is extremely depressing and sad when that person is not your significant other. So the biggest question to me, is if we can’t weather this storm together now, will we ever be able to weather another one or will I be out on my island again. Thanks all.