Dear PJ:

Well, seems to me that my earlier suggestion is a good one- that you and your wife attend quality couple counseling, not for the purpose of remaining marriage but for the purpose of ending the marriage in the best way possible, so the kids don’t get hurt unnecessarily.

Within such counseling, with the mediating of an effective counselor or therapist, the two of you will learn how to proceed with a separation and divorce in the most peaceful way  possible, expressing no hostility toward each other in the presence of the children, co-parenting in an organized, efficient way.

(for this purpose better she doesn’t know about the affair, no reason to reveal that, nor is there a reason to reveal your frustrations with her, it being just-ok with her and so  on).

I think the children will be in a better situation having two separated parents who get along very well (no aggression whatsoever) than with a mother who doesn’t seem to know the nature of her marriage, who plans on getting pregnant with you yet again, and a father who is frustrated and so unhappy in the marriage.

The love you want from a woman- find it elsewhere as a separated and divorced man. That way you betray no one- and no guilt.

anita