Hi Anita,

I agree I do get scared to speak up sometimes but I usually push myself to do it anyway. At times I feel maybe I come off intense because i am really direct but I feel like I should be right? I always try to be respectful as I do so.

This whole situation brings me a lot of sadness and pain. I dont even feel happy about it anymore. I want to trust him and trust the process by letting go and I am trying to do so. I guess what I feel is that he doesnt want to spend quality time with me, he says he does but usually when we go out its at the bar and he seems to be on his phone alot. I mentioned this before, I try not to let it bother me because I feel that is such a common thing people do these days anyway.

He used to go out of his way for me and it made me feel so happy and appreciated. But once the topic of commitment came up he just withdrew alot. Id leave and he would come back and say he wanted to be with me but then he puts the most minimal effort. ( I feel selfish saying that because I dont want to put him down or overlook good things in him.) Sometimes he will text me in the morning or at night but its scattered. And sometimes he wont talk to me all day or ask me anything. It just feels at his convenience and I explained this to him but he doesn’t agree. I know I could probably reach out and talk to him but I feel like i Have done that so much and not much has changed & now i just have anxiety about talking to him becuase I never know what the next thing is with him.

Ultimately, I think he just doesnt want a commitment. Other wise he would commit to me right? Part of me just feels like I am being played. Like he likes that Im there and will hang with him when he can or talk to him whenever but the small things I want like just laying down and spending time together or watching a movie, he never wants to do.

Last night he called me after hardly talking to me the last few days. He said asked what I was up too and I said i just got home from hanging with friends. He said oh i wish I new because I am on my way to pick up my car, I had to get a cab but I would have asked you. He said Well once I get it do you want to hang out for a little bit? I said No i have plans tonight. and he asked about my day but I honestly kept it very brief and short because I feel he doesnt really care or listen anyway. For ex: he new i had an important interview other day and he didnt even ask me how it went. In fact he didnt talk to me at all that day I had it. I get it, we are all busy and sometimes we want to just be alone but it just makes me sad.   anyway I got off phone with him really quick, usually I always say yes to plans with him but for once I didnt.

I hate feeling so skeptical and unsure of this relationship. I need something more committed and consistent. This just feels so hard for me. I keep blaming myself for how things are between us.

Thank you,

Kylee