Dear Connie:

Excellent articulation, the way you put it into words: “And I forgot the fact that ‘relationships need work.’ I used to fantasize about meeting Mr. Right and things would work out magically and we would live happily ever after. This Mr. Right is a perfect figure that doesn’t really exist. Even if he does, am I the Ms. Right? Do I magically make his world better?”-

No such thing as magic, so we have to do that relationship work. Even if the two  people work hard and long, still no magic. But a healthy relationship that will make life better for the two people in it- that is possible.

If you and this man went to couple therapy with a good therapist- that would be best to get the two of you started on a good, healthy relationship that will make the two of you feel safer. In the absence of such, there are plenty of books (and workbooks) in libraries and bookstores, as well as online, I imagine, regarding interpersonal skills, learning such and practicing those. The two of you can embark on such self-help learning together.

anita