To all of you who have guilt for ruining someone’s life, I know how it feels. I am only 15 years old and I have suffered from abuse since I was 13. It may not seem like a long time but for me it felt like an eternity. Ever since the physical contact has been started I have lived in fear of whos going to hurt me next or whos going to call me a P.O.S kid or a walking disease or a heartless bastard when I make a mistake or the wrong face or a comment that was not mean or offense towards someone. I am afraid of saying no to everyone because I feel like if I do then they will end up hating me and then eventually I will be by myself with no one to love me and show me how to love myself. I’m so worried that if everyone leaves then one day my mind, my sanity, my love will just disappear forever and I will just be an empty shell of nothing. I was transferred to my grandparents house after everything at my moms went down. My mother and her girlfriend were arrested for domestic violence towards me. I told the cops it was all my fault that they were hitting me,” I deserve to be punished for everything I have done wrong. I put two people in jail, I have forever lost the relationship I wanted with my mom, she hates me and probably doesn’t even think about me or if I am ok and why would she… I messed up her future. I look at her mugshot because its the only thing I have of my mom I miss her so much and I just can’t stop hating myself for what I have done. The judge put a no contact order against her, So no matter how hard I want to be with her, I can’t help but think that she doesn’t want to be with me because of what I did to her. I feel so lost in this big world and I am drowning but no one truly knows how someone who has been beaten feels like until it happens to them.