Dear Meg:

“when I try to explain he don’t get it”- here is a way to explain it so that he can definitely understand: if you were able to record the neighbors’ noise and then increase the volume 200%- he will have an understanding of how you hear those noises.

When we are afraid of noises, we hear them much LOUDER than an individual who is not afraid of them.

It makes sense that there is a connection between your current noise sensitivity and your childhood experience of paying attention to noises your father made so to figure out if your fahter was drunk and what to do if he is.

At this point, your fear is focused on the neighbors’ noise- this is what I suggest, try it and let me know how it works for you: next night as you lie down ready to sleep, purposefully remember how it was when you were a child focusing on noises coming from your father. Remember what you heard, how it felt. It can help to bring back the original trauma to mind so to separate the present circumstances  from the past childhood circumstances. This way you will no longer have the past making the present sound louder than it is.

Does this make sense to you?

anita