I 100% agree with anita. I would give the distance she is asking for and see what happens with that. Only because you tried to give her the love and it didnt work.

now, if shes being stubborn and doesnt truly want the distance, that will eventually eat at her and she will break. But it will be the only way you can find out if she will return to acting like your wife again.

i look at it this way, if you want closure then you can continue to look for answers and beg, and you will surely get your answers but it will come at the ultimate cost, which is she will leave. Or you can try the distance and the unfortunate waiting game, which sucks, but it is what it is at this point. If she is to return to you, i truly believe the only way that will happen is from option 2. If you try this and she doesnt come back, then she wasnt going to come back regardless. I know from experience, and with the knowledge, its still hard to not express your emotions when you feel depressed and anxious to save the day. I feel like you and have many times been able to talk myself out of situations,  but learned the hard way that, sometimes the talking digs a deeper hole.