I lasted 2 weeks, I could not do it! I’ve been really taking it personal, was wanting to call her and get it off my chest so I messaged yesterday if we can talk, she said sure when she’s off. Told her I would call her later that night, she called right when she got home and messaged me she’s home and can talk now but I did not pick up, was in the middle of a game. Called her after, did not tell her what I was gonna say…I got trouble speaking when I have something to get off my chest, could not say anything and she said whenever I know what I wanna get off my chest to call her and we can talk about it. Anyway she’s gonna be working a few days a week a few blocks from where I live soon so that’s cool. She did not wanna talk last time because she was having man troubles she said but they are all good now, none of my business between them but she knows she can talk to me about it. They just went too quickly for him.

Anyway, she wants to get with some of us and do something, she misses us (not all just many) and tells me if they have some work outings to keep her in the loop and she might come depending who’s going as she doesn’t talk to anyone else from her old work that much except the very odd coffee or hot tub nights or odd facebook message, pretty much just me. Near the end I just randomly blurted out that all I want for her is to be happy, healthy and free in life. She really digged how I said I wanted her to be free and was saying that she is getting better but she was like “omg don’t leave” in the past, pretty sure she was talking about when she quit but hard to know for sure? maybe she meant me? sounded like it a little. She’s working on slowly meditating and work stuff and other stuff with her man. Anyway we talked for 39 minutes, only know because I check my phone at the end of our conversations. Also told her how proud I am of her, she’s come a LONG way since she started her career.

I’ll write down the thing to get off my chest in a few weeks and call her up. It’s really hard, my mind goes blank and once I say 1 word the next word is  really bumbled and say another word and the next is bumbled again  and so on. When we talk we kinda go deep into feelings, like what happened and how it made us feel going through that and stuff. I guess like a girl friendship with another girl sort of thing but I am a guy if that makes any sense? Or maybe just a different type of relationship between 2 people?