Dear Lealea:

In the work Christmas party you attended, alcohol was served. You drank and so did many other people, maybe all the people who attended. You don’t remember the other people acting unacceptably, do you? Likely they don’t remember you acting unacceptably. When drinking people feel pretty good, not in the mood to look for faults in others. Drinkers tend to feel affection for others (hence the “I love you” to strangers), not anger and condemnation. It is not likely that the other party goers were attentive to what-is-Lealea doing-wrong.

When we are anxious about how others see us and what they think about us, we are cautious, careful, trying to be in as much self control as possible, so to not let that inside person misbehave. When we drink, or otherwise feeling temporarily happy and spontaneous, we forget to keep tight control over ourselves. Later on, when we sort of, wake up from that temporary happiness, we worry:  oh,  oh, what did I do wrong???

We have this delusion that there is an out-of-control, untrustworthy person inside us that will do wrong if let loose. Is this your experience?

anita