Dear lovesandkisseszaphod:

Let’s look at what you shared: you are 41, he is 36, in relationship (ended a month ag0) for over two years. He “kind of works freelance”, but cannot afford buying a mattress. He stayed in your place a lot because he lives away and kind of works in your city.

Not long ago, the two of you attended his boss’s wedding. He got drunk there, you “dragged him home”, your  home, that is. You left him sleeping in your bedroom while you slept in another bed. He urinated in your bed, and once aware that he did, he “went on sleeping in the guest room like nothing happened”. You told him to leave and he “stormed out”. After a week  of no  contact, you called him and he told you that he is upset that you kicked him out over him urinating in your bed.

By this point he never sincerely apologized, nor did he offer to replace the mattress he destroyed. You told him that you ordered a new mattress, and “he just said fine”. He did tell you that “he is not ashamed of that night, because s*** happens”.

A few days later he texted you that he wanted a breakup, telling you that you want to change him and that he “doesn’t want to change for anyone”. A month later, you feel “sad and lonely”, questioning if you acted with him “too harshly over nothing?.. am I being too  bossy? Did I overreact to a stupid mistake and lose a naïve partner”?

My answer: a “naïve partner’s urine smells as badly as a savvy partner’s urine. You can’t sleep on a mattress that was soaked with urine no matter who urinated on it. So it needs to be replaced. The fact that he didn’t offer to buy you a new mattress, be it on credit (if he can’t afford cash) is appalling.

Urine smells bad, and so does the character of a man who urinates on a woman’s mattress and doesn’t take responsibility for it by replacing it. I don’t need to know anything more about him to figure that his character (or lack of) smells badly.

If his philosophy of life is that he is neither ashamed nor responsible for things because “sh** happens”, then what is the next sh** that he will not be responsible for?

That leaves you with a lot of sh** to clean up after him lifetime, if you were to resume a relationship with him, doesn’t it?

anita