Dear Sarah:

You have a boyfriend whom you’ve been dating for two months, exclusivity established and you slept together two weeks ago. You felt “like it was very early”. He slept with many women before you and you slept with two guys before him, but he keeps bringing up those two guys. Three days ago, you told him about your childhood sexual abuse and cried a bit. He “kept insisting to know who did it”, you didn’t tell him and the conversation ended. Since then he doesn’t call you every day anymore, “he replies late and was very dry”, which is his usual way, but in addition to it, he didn’t keep the conversation going, which is not his usual way.

“Am I overthinking this situation or does he seem to be distant?” –

– reads to me that he has issues from before the time you met him, anger and jealousy at women for having had previous relationships. Maybe his mother had an affair on his father (a wild guess on my part) and he empathized with his father. Whatever it is, he brought this anger and jealousy to this new relationship with you.

When you told him about your past sexual abuse, he was focused on.. his anger, his jealousy, as if the person who sexually abused you was one of his competitors, like the guys you dated before him. This is not good, it means he is invested in his unresolved anger and jealousy and is not  empathetic toward you. Reads like he has been distant from you since you told him.

Do you know anything about his family history, the background behind his anger and jealousy?

anita