Dear Gaia:

“What confuses me is that when I was little I didn’t really have a bad consideration of my mom”- no young child has a bad consideration of her mother/ parent. Young children view their parents as gods, perfect, all-good, all-capable entities. If you understood what I just stated as the universal, no exceptions truth that it is, you wouldn’t be confused.

“I already sensed heaviness and toxicity in her so that might have definitely influenced my moods and sense of self today”- no doubt about it. As a young child you sensed her heaviness and it made you feel bad. You didn’t consider at the time that there is something wrong with your mother, you figured there was something wrong with you!

As an older child, a teenager, you can see that she is not god, that there is something wrong with her. Unfortunately you are already invested in the belief (that OBoM) that there is something wrong with you! But originally, when you formed that belief, there was nothing wrong with you!

“My inner child/ child.. lacked.. joy and lightness.. children need to be light-hearted and carefree”- true, children need that so that they can learn and explore life. Heavy, children turn inward and isolate; light, children turn outward, explore and socialize.

anita