Yeah those are correct. I wont text her this, I am not that cowardly and I did open up and request a break from the friendship over the phone. I may have a problem opening up but I would be honest with her on the phone. I’ll just let her know that when she helped me to the doctors that in my darkness she was the light of hope I saw and I clung to it hard and got infatuated and the feelings went away and came back over the years, then about the friendship thing and then the “not good enough” part.

I think she will be fine with all of this tbh. What I don’t understand is what happened between the end of 2017 and the end of 2018? She phoned me a few times because she had nobody else to talk to and was having a bad day, one was because her ferret was acting up and had to be put down (that’s one of the $1,000 I loaned her), the other I can’t remember why she was having  a bad day? but that was the last time she called me because she wanted to. It’s been 2 years lol! From Jan 2018 to April 2018 we did not text once, a 4 month break! never really thought about messaging her, but she messaged me or I would have went much longer. Then something at work happened  and  I freaked out! told her all about it and we had a coffee and a walk to the bench grabbing and poking my legs and  arms showing her teqniques on me, then we  sat next to eachother on a log at the beach watching the ocean and talking, then sat next to eachother at the water and tapping ourselves and she made me say “I love myself” which I struggled with and did not mean it (she knew). Then we walked back and threw leaves on eachother and a guy walking his dog smiled and nodded his head and I asked if we can hang out more, she really wanted to and was going to invite me to events with her.

Then we got really close again just like that 1 summer and took off, she even put makeup on before meeting me and told me all about that “psychic” story, then she wanted to know about the life coach stuff what happened and really wanted to connect with me that 1 day, it was BEAUTIFUL! At the time I was thinking the most amazing person I know wants to connect with me for a coffee and really wants to know my news.

Then a new guy enters the picture and now here we are, on the brink of ending things for good although she doesn’t know yet but is normally always down to talk on the phone, but only at my request. I guess I should not be sad it’s ending but happy it happened. The phone calls are not what they used to be like though but now I can’t stand waiting a month before wanting to call her, I wanna call her every week or 2 and talk but limit myself to 1 per month.

WTF????????