Dear Samantha:

You read like a very conscientious, responsible, decent young woman. I think that you did the right thing, and I don’t see how you blindsided him- he pressured you to “spit it out”, so you did.

This was a premature relationship, too young, too fast. You need to be free to make a good life for yourself, you have a whole decade to form a successful career for yourself, to explore life, to get to know people and life more and more.

Question is how to free yourself when you are afraid that he may not recover from this breakup and even “do something stupid” if you block him.

I suggest that you don’t block him for now, that you do wish him happy birthday in three days, maybe get together with him for his birthday in a public coffee shop or so, buy him a slice of cake and coffee for his birthday.

He asked you if you “can at least be there for him to just phase things out slowly”- consider agreeing to it, but in your way, not his, meaning you can decide that you will give this phase-things-out two months, in which he can talk to you  on the phone every day for the first month for 20 minutes. Then every other day in the second month, for 15 minutes (I am guessing with the numbers, of course, you decide on those and adjust the numbers depending on how things go).

If he guilt-trips you, telling you how much he is hurting and suggesting you are a bad person for doing that, etc., let him know that this is not part of the phase-things-out process, and tell him that he needs to stop doing that.

If he wouldn’t stop, suggest and maybe help him find a counselor or a medical doctor for professional help, make the first appointment with him and accompany him to the counselor/ doctor. Maybe even go with him to the session and speak to the professional.

Post again anytime y0u want to and I will be glad to reply further.

anita