Hi @superx

Ah ok…..you definitely missed a heap in the middle of my story too! So yes, we split over a year ago, but long story short, I kept in light contact after the split last year and just wanted to get back with him and we reunited in Feb/Mar of this year for a couple of months.

Needless to say it didn’t work out again and he ended it- for the very same reasons- a third time actually- in May of this year. So really it’s only been 7 months since the split.

What I will say is this- we didn’t speak a word since he broke up with me in May. Not one single text, nothing. So…..last year I remained in contact and it didn’t ultimately help. Few months ago we completely ended communication and since then I quit my job that was making me unhappy, travelled to the other side of the world, met new friends and took up a job (albeit temporary) in an entirely new field.

I think you can see where I’m going with this. Yes I still miss him, yes I’d love it to work out – but I’m nowhere near as devastated as last year. That’s normal you know…..to feel devastated. Like I said before, it’s like weaning off something and that just takes time and discipline.

For me I was in the unusual situation these days where my ex had no social media as such & was not a tester really- even when we were together! So it wasn’t difficult to avoid anything to do with him because he wasn’t in my sphere as such.

As you probably have seen, he messaged two weeks ago for my birthday, out of nowhere and honestly…..it has set me back a little. When you kind of lock a door and try to throw away the key, then you feel that maybe a chink of light is coming through the door again…..it’s hard. But I’m trying to get back to feeling as strong as I did before he messaged.

No contact has helped me but as you can see it’s not what I initially chose and everyone has to follow their own path. Someone could have said to me- and did- last year to have zero contact but I guess I wasn’t ready for that. My heart and mind needed to do what I needed to do at the time, whether it was right or wrong, even if it caused me more pain. I don’t regret it, it must have been my journey to get me to here.

Commitment issues are his issues, not yours. For whatever reason, it really has nothing to do with you. But it’s something that really needs to be addressed by him if he chooses to (which I find a lot of men are unlikely to do). It’s difficult for it to work long term if that’s his excuse, so try to protect yourself as much as you can. Don’t you deserve to be chosen? Take care x