Dear Sarah:

Welcome back, good to read from you again.

Regarding the bar incident and what followed: you had your toothbrush in your purse but forgot that you did. It fell to the floor, he picked it up and handed it to you. You misunderstood and thought he brought your toothbrush to the bar intending to hand it to you as a gesture that meant that he doesn’t want you in his home anymore. You stormed out, later your misunderstanding was cleared and you apologized. Later he was affectionate with you. Some time after that you messaged him and he sent you back “a short reply and no suggestions of plans to meet”.

You then assumed (again) that he changed his mind about you, that the relationship was over (because he saw you as you really were, not good enough for him), and you sent him a goodbye message: “(I) will assume we’re gonna leave whatever ‘this’ was.. it really sucks when someone changes their mind like this. But, I get it. I think you had me on a bit of a pedestal and in real life I could never live up to  it”

You then sent “no need to reply. It’s fine, honestly”- and he didn’t reply.

My input: in the beginning of your post you wrote “I have trust issues”, so did he. You wrote “I think he is too good for me”, this is probably what he thought too, that he is not good enough for you. You were scared having strong feelings strongly for him, and he was probably scared having strong feelings for you.

You got so scared of that the scenario that you imagined  (that he will find out you are not good enough for him, and break up with you), that you fast forwarded it twice,  in the bar and later after his short reply, ending the first by storming out of the bar, and the second with that “no need to reply”.

All the while, motivated by fear and anger. My goodness, that was a fast fast-forwarding of a story that didn’t happen, twice.

I imagine that he is troubled, as would anyone be, by your behavior. I know you are. But this is not necessarily the end of this new love story, and it is definitely not the end of your story. What you have done, I have done myself, different details, different situations, yet the same. I fast forwarded the ending of possible love relationships, couldn’t handle the anxiety. And so, I understand.

It will take some time, some insight, a getting-better, healthier process and you will be able to have a healthy love story- however imperfect- with a man.

Regarding this man, if you can handle it, after some thought and planning, contact him and tell him that you want to talk with him. Then meet him, not in his place, not in yours, but in a public setting like a coffee shop, to talk. Tell him what happened in your mind and heart through the whole time, and ask him for his thoughts, for what’s been going on in his mind and heart. It will be like putting down on the table what really happened.

Can you handle such a meeting?

anita