Hi Anita! I’m so happy you’re still here ^_^

I’m a little stunned you found that old post [I honestly forgot about it] it is still something I struggle with. Interestingly, I recently said something similar to my therapist about how everyone says I’m too negative and she said “I don’t think you’re negative. I’ve always felt you’re realistic.” I almost cried. I seek validation from others, it’s one of the many things I’m working on. [a lot of abuse throughout my life, I need reassurance, because I’m always double guessing my emotions] That’s why I’m here. It’s a new decade soon and I really want to achieve my goals. I know New Years isn’t going to change much, but I’m really feeling that new year energy thing, you know? So I’ve been reflecting on a lot of aspects in my life, and my friend has become a topic for many as “why are you still friends with him?” He means so much to me, and we mirror each other in a lot of ways, but when he’s in a group, he becomes [for lack of a better word] an alpha male and a lot of questionable behaviour rises up. There’s a part of me that is worried he’s wearing masks and even when we’re one on one it’s an act, but on the other hand, I really don’t feel it is. I’ve just been wrong before, and I’m worried he might be manipulating.

Around the time I was at my lowest point, he was too, and one thing we both did was remove toxic people from our lives. The difference was, he told them to their face everything they did and gave them a choice to change or leave. I simply limited my interaction with them until they faded into the background [this includes family members] Recently, he’s been trying to convince me to do the same thing he did with the family I am in frequent contact with. We debated it and agreed to disagree since my view is I love them, just don’t like them, and I don’t want to burn a bridge because there was a lot of trauma in the past. His view is any bridge, even a rickety one, that leads to a toxic place should be burned. I told my friends this and K and B say it sounds as if he’s trying to isolate me from my family. [all three of them know how traumatic my upbringing was, K and B agree I should limit my interaction with my close relatives, and that bringing up the past to go “see what you did” would simply be a cruel excuse for a fight. Confronting my relatives, giving them the long list of abuse I suffered, then cut them out, is what my new friend wants]

Anyway, it’s stuff like that, he means well, he wants to help me grow, but his approach can be extreme, and his personality changes depending on the people we’re interacting with. None of my old friends trust him and can see a lot of red flags and similar situations. I admit I see them too. Even my therapist warned me I’m running towards him because he’s broken and I want to save him [especilly since he saved me earlier this year] I just don’t know if I should confront him or leave it, or perhaps as all my friends say, run away because he’s actually manipulating me.

[Sigh, emotions and relationships are tough lol. Hope you’ve been well.]