Dear Gaia:

I know that I need more time to think about this. I need what I call a fresh-brain to think more, a fresh brain is a morning brain, and Tuesday morning is in about 17 hours from now.

I think that the cringing feeling you mentioned before, and the bad feeling otherwise, appearing as if from nowhere, for no particular reason, is the same feelings, the same cringiness that you experienced throughout your childhood, with your mother, in those instances like the ride in the car with her.

It is nothing abnormal or unusual: our brain operates this way, its the nature of our brain that when we experience something very unpleasant as children, and we experience it again and again through the years of our childhood–

— we keep re-experiencing it as adults, the same emotional experience.

The fact that I am typing this to you right now and that you will be reading it a few moments from now, is not going to change this operation of the brain, you will still be re-experiencing that same cringiness and other unpleasant emotions. The only difference that can be made today is a bit more understanding. If you understand better how your (and anyone’s) brain works, part of the unpleasantness of it all can be gone. Do you know what I mean?

(I will still be on and off the computer today, and you are welcome to add anything you want to add. But the majority of my thinking and responding to you will be tomorrow morning, my time).

anita