Anita,

Yes, that makes sense. I actually just got out of my therapy appointment and that thought (about my cousin enforcing my shyness) came to my mind. My therapist was asking me, “what does being confident look like to you?” and “what do you think you would be like if you were confident?” And I was imagining myself if I were more confident. My answers to those questions were that confidence is trusting your own opinions. I also said confidence is accepting yourself for who you are and even being happy with who you are. I have definitely gained some confidence since I’ve been in therapy, so answering this question was somewhat easy. However, I felt that if I were to become that confident person that I imagined, it would be an odd pairing with my cousin. I wondered: would she be afraid of saying those things to me if she knew I would never allow it? Would she be happy with me being happy with myself? How would she treat me? How would I treat her?

However, it still confuses me because I don’t know if she would or wouldn’t be happy with my confidence. I guess that in the end, her feelings shouldn’t matter as much as my own feelings. And the truth is that she hurts my feelings.

But then I also wonder why my cousin says those things at all. I know other people like my cousin who say things to me without a care. I feel like most people who know me know that I’m very shy, insecure, emotionally-impressionable, etc. If I imagine myself in their shoes, and I knew that someone is very shy and insecure, I would never say anything if I thought it may hurt them.

In the end, I just want to be confident enough to not care when my cousin says these things and maybe I would be more able to end contact with her if I didn’t tolerate it.