Dear Jessi:

Reads to me that your boyfriend had a crush on this woman, not an uncommon thing within a relationship, for one of the partners to have a crush on a random person, a waitress in a restaurant, a server in the local taproom and whatnot.. it is a crush that is just a tiny bit more real than having a crush on a supermodel or movie star that a person never met, keeping magazines with photos of such celebrities.

If you believe this is the case, that he had a crush that is revived once in a while (leading to his most recent google search), you can share this with him and ask him if you are correct in what you think. Ask him not in an accusatory way and let him know that it is not a deal breaker for you, him having this kind of a crush (if it is not), as long as he does not act on it.

If he opens up to you and tells you that indeed it is a kind of a crush, then ask him (non- accusatorily, again), what is his purpose when googling her, and how is keeping her on his Facebook affecting his crush.

* Keeping a crush on Facebook and googling her serves to fuel the crush and therefore, these behaviors are not appropriate within the context of a committed, monogamous, honest relationship.

If you do talk to him (or not), you are welcome to post how that goes and I will be able to reply to you further.

anita