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Do you see something wrong in all of this, Obsession or being sketchy?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #332245

    Jessi
    Participant

    Hello Everybody , so I have been working with my boyfriend on and off, helping him out in some of his work projects and he pays me, so he gave me his work laptop, not personal and I was working from there, so I remember I needed to search for a word meaning on google so I opened up mozilla and went to the google bar and when I began typing, his search history shows up and I can see that he typed the name of this woman he went out a couple of times with( nothing serious that is) they were just getting to know each other, but there was never a relationship between them.

     

    They happened to have met in their work environment in 2017( Update: Sorry I just found out that they actually meet for the  first time on August of 2016 and they added each other on Facebook ) he talked to me about her a couple of times of how beautiful, supermodel looking she was and that she had this great management job in a luxury building residential in the beach ( this is were they actually met my bf was one of the engineers working on the building maintenance at that time and she was like the project manager) so I started feeling a little insecure and jealous because he talked so highly about her, physically speaking that is yet he told me she was a diva and was always flirting with everybody and other negative aspects about her.

     

    The times that he has mentioned this woman to me, he would always start with:” this girl is very pretty, she actually  looks like a model, that all the women that lived in the building told her what an amazing coke bottle body she had, that all these rich man driving expensive cars where after her, sending her flowers, messages and so on and then he would start saying all her negative traits and why he did not like her anymore and that she was empty, was too much of a diva and that he did see her true colors.

     

    He told me that he was very glad that god took her out of his way, nevertheless he still has her in facebook and for some reason he always mentions the building were she worked in, or thinks that some random person lives there, so he always ends up mentioning it. He does not know in any way shape or form that I am aware that he has her in facebook and that I know her name as well.

     

    And now I found out he has searched for her on google on several occasions ( about some months ago and now recently) ,why would this be? Is he still intrigued by this girl after 2 years or he is somewhat still curious, aggravated about her and the fact that nothing happened between them.

    Should I ask him about this? What can I do to understand the reason why he is searching for her. It does not even make sense because he has her facebook. I have a close friend that knows her ex bf and knows her as well and according to my friend she works on another even more luxurious building now.

    Why so much obsession with the building, this woman, at least this is what I feel here. this seems like if he was deeply impacted by all of this in that particular moment in his life and for some reason he can’t get over it. 


    <strong style=”text-align: right;”>In my mind I can’t understand why he sees her as the Biggest thing, I see her as a pretty girl, but that’s it, nothing wow or different  about her. 

    #332287

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jessi,

    A supermodel probably won’t go after a mere engineer, so nothing to worry about there LOL.

    This is a classic case of The Fox and the Grapes. The fox can’t jump high enough to get the grapes, so he says they are sour and walks away. Your boyfriend is doing the same thing. He wanted something he can’t have, so naturally he calls her too much of a diva. Yet she is obviously the most exciting thing he experienced second hand in his life. People go ga-ga for even B and C list celebrities. Yes, even local celebrities.

    The next time he mentions her, give her a nod and say, “Yes, she’s a pretty girl”. He will insist she is a MODEL!!! Be all, “I think she’s aging out of that, yes? So glad she found a billionaire who will take care of her.”

    Best,

    Inky

    #332315

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jessi:

    Reads to me that your boyfriend had a crush on this woman, not an uncommon thing within a relationship, for one of the partners to have a crush on a random person, a waitress in a restaurant, a server in the local taproom and whatnot.. it is a crush that is just a tiny bit more real than having a crush on a supermodel or movie star that a person never met, keeping magazines with photos of such celebrities.

    If you believe this is the case, that he had a crush that is revived once in a while (leading to his most recent google search), you can share this with him and ask him if you are correct in what you think. Ask him not in an accusatory way and let him know that it is not a deal breaker for you, him having this kind of a crush (if it is not), as long as he does not act on it.

    If he opens up to you and tells you that indeed it is a kind of a crush, then ask him (non- accusatorily, again), what is his purpose when googling her, and how is keeping her on his Facebook affecting his crush.

    * Keeping a crush on Facebook and googling her serves to fuel the crush and therefore, these behaviors are not appropriate within the context of a committed, monogamous, honest relationship.

    If you do talk to him (or not), you are welcome to post how that goes and I will be able to reply to you further.

    anita

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