Dear happyme1:

I wish this was not your situation, and I know you wish it wasn’t. But then, there it is, a big “family relationship challenge”.

Possibilities:

1. Suggest to your daughter who is getting married to join you and your wife in a family therapy/ counseling session aimed at resolving the biggest conflict that exists between your wife and your daughter.

2. If indeed your wife has not been disrespectful or otherwise abusive to your older daughter (or to the younger one), I think that you should support your wife and side with her. Let your older daughter know that you want to show up to the wedding with your wife, and that you will not attend the wedding without your wife.

3. If your older daughter still does not want your wife in her wedding, and if you are not paying for her wedding, I suppose it is your older daughter’s right to choose who attends her wedding. In that case, I suggest that you tell your daughter that you still want contact with her outside her wedding, that you want to visit her in some context (without your wife), perhaps for coffee in mid day from time to time.

And post again if you want further communication with me.

anita