Dear Connie:

You wrote earlier yesterday that you told him: “I was willing to go through everything and help him get over alcoholism. And if he wanted, we could create our own future together”.

But even though you are willing to go through everything, what if you are not able long term to go through everything with him because going through everything with him is exhausting and makes you weaker and weaker?

“Each time he withdraws, I feel particularly sad and unloved.. I still feel hurt when it happens”, it is exhausting to feel sad and unloved and hurt again and again, and again. It is exhausting to not know what will cause him to withdraw next time, to be anxious about the next time he withdraws.

You wrote yesterday: “He said he remembered that the promises made- one of them was to never ignore me. But he didn’t have the capacity to keep that when he fell into his dark hole”.

But what if you are falling into your own dark hole because of this relationship?

The idea of a future together is that two people make each other’s life better, not two people sinking  into their individual dark holes.

“Maybe me trying to help and be supportive is actually enabling his condition”-

– what if you trying to help him is enabling your condition, that of getting more and more exhausted, feeling unloved, sad, hurt; bad, guilty and worried (“I feel bad if I go out and have fun without him. I actually feel guilty for not being able to spend time with him…worrying too much about him”)?

anita