Please forgive me, I don’t want to excuse your mother but she must have been in a very bad place / mistreated to treat you like this. Would that help to try to find the cause of what happened, try to talk to her (easy said than done). Try to observe why you act the way you do, or people around you. And do not for a second think that you are the only lonely person in the room. I have observed that many times the happiest looking people are simply good at hiding their loneliness and unhappiness. And the ones that show anger/sadness at times will actually come across more human/approachable. You loved your ex and broken heart takes time to heal, there are no shortcuts in this. Have you tried yoga? I find it helps me mentally and I found some great friends through yoga. Xx