Anita,

Thank you for the advice it is really helpful. I will do my best to implement it. I just feel that it is going to be very hard for me. It has always been extremely hard for me to confront my cousin about things like this. I have no idea why. I can confront her about little things, but nothing like this. I will try though.

I am just worried about who I will have in my life. If it ends up that I have to end contact with her, I will have almost no one. I’m just growing apart from my best friends from home (I’m in college). They all have new lives and I have a new life too, but it’s been hard for me. I used to tell them everything and we were extremely close. I never thought we would drift apart.

Over winter break, I thought it would be like normal and we’d hang out every day like we used to. But, we didn’t. I made an effort to try to hang out with them and most of them were busy but my best friend who I was closest to just chose to hang out with her other friends over me.

The only person I truly feel close to is my boyfriend which is why I am still sane but it doesn’t seem healthy. I’m 100% fine when I’m hanging out/talking with him and I do not feel lonely at all because we are very close. He’s my best friend. However, I can’t hang out with him all the time. I need other people I can depend on besides him. I also have my cousin but I’ve distanced myself, and I’m trying to get myself to confront her.

Something else that is important to note: one of my new year’s resolutions is to make friends (whether that be in my classes, clubs, or just out). Yet, that resolution has been seeming to cause me more pain than hope. I feel a lot of pressure to make friends and I’m hard on myself when it doesn’t work. I actually felt physically ill after the ball dropped at midnight because I was thinking about how I am probably not going to make friends despite thinking up a bunch of goals and plans on how I’m going to do it. Everyone keeps telling me “just stop sulking and make an effort” but I just can’t. I’ve been dealing with these problems for over a year now and I’m stuck. It just seems like one problem leads to another. I enter an abusive relationship -> I stop making friends and become isolated, my self-esteem lowers -> I cling onto my abusive ex-boyfriend (current boyfriend at the time) for a sense of comfort -> I have to break up with him for my own well-being -> I end up feeling extremely vulnerable -> my cousin says mean things and I let it lower my self-esteem even more than the old relationship did because  I can’t confront her or end contact with her -> I end up just distancing myself from her -> I end up clinging onto my current boyfriend for support/comfort but at least he respects me and treats me correctly -> I become closed off around my friends because they do not understand me like my boyfriend does -> I become closed off around everyone -> I feel even more lonely and sad -> my self-esteem goes even lower ->, etc. I don’t know how to break this cycle.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Katie.