@Shelby thank you so much for taking the time to offer that perspective. It makes a lot of sense to me and I can almost hear my ex saying the same thing about being able to still have all the enjoyable aspects of our relationship without the romance. In fact she used the term “emotionally mature” when we first discussed remaining in contact after we broke up.

Your insights about the ‘pull’ are also very helpful, and even though I don’t want to believe it, I know rationally you are right that it is a security blanket that in the long term will hurt. Ultimately it is a question of how much I value myself – how much emotional pain I put myself through for others’ benefit – and I still have a lot of work to do with that but your advice has helped immeasurably, thank you! Thanks too for your recommendation to look up attachment styles – a useful framework for sure (I’m definitely anxious-preoccupied).

It sounds like unfortunately you have a difficult decision of your own to make in regards to your friend. I hope that you are kind to yourself in the process. xx

@genie Thank you for your kind words! I am indeed proud of myself for opening my heart despite the risks, and consider myself lucky to have such a capacity to love deeply in different ways, even though the pay off is that the pain is deep too. Whinging can be good. 🙂

@rob – so sorry to hear about your unimaginable pain. I too don’t have anything useful to say. You have done so well to get this far. I hope posting here can at least make you feel a little less alone. Love to you!