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Dear userpia:
You asked for help in trying “to decipher him”, him being K.
Seven years ago, both of you in your twenties, you met, he was single and smitten with you, you were in a long term relationship for years at that point, and you turned him down. For these seven years the two of you texted several times a week, saw each other about once a month and had a blast when you met, talked about intimate things but never had sex. Four years into this friendship, while you were still in your long term relationship and he just started a relationship with anther woman, you drunkenly told him that you sometimes think about being with him and were wondering “whether we would be right for each other”.
He continued his relationship, now four years long or so, and you are still in your 16 year long relationship. The two of you are still friends, are “getting along as well as ever”. There is some flirtation between the two of you, and he tells you about his relationship problems and dissatisfactions and you tell him about yours.
My input: it is very common for men and women to tell third parties about their relationship problems and dissatisfaction. It is a venting activity most of the time. A man complains about his relationship, feels better and therefore, more able to continue it. I heard a man myself repeatedly talk about his great unhappiness in his relationship, so much so that one would think he wanted out of it.. not the case. This man I am talking about is very committed to his wife, it is just that he needs to vent. Seems to me that his relationship is very poor in quality, but.. he has no intention of ending it.
You may want to bring this possibility to him and ask him which one is he doing: venting or considering ending his relationship. If you ask him this, listen carefully to his words. You are welcome to post his answer here if you want my input.
On your end, maybe you are quite bored in your relationship, it being 16 years long, a relationship that began when you were a teenager. Maybe you want something/ someone new, in an intimate way. Do you think so?
anita
A