I am ok. The work has been a little downtempo these days, but I do things to keep myself busy and entertained.

I’ve been to shows, concerts, theatres, sometimes alone sometimes with friends. (I don’t have many friends, but I can say that when I need someone, I usually have someone to talk to.) I go to gym to pilates classes, I often visit my brother to play with my baby niece. I changed my hairdresser, went to see an astrologer, though it left a bad taste in my mouth- she felt like a manipulator. I even had a date with someone from a dating app. He seemed nice but unfortunately 2 days later he moved to another country:)

Mostly I feel fine, but sometimes I feel that, all I am doing is to try to trick myself and distract my attention from my solitude. I feel like i am faking things. I can’t say I’m depresssed. I feel ok for most of the time, but I have a strong belief that deep down, my ‘normal’ is being alone, left out. This is such a weak spot for me, because once I connect with someone,  then he has a strong power on me. It’s not like “he was the only one who can understand me” Because he was not even that open, caring and sensitive.  It’s hard to describe that feeling. I sometime feel like an outsider, like a bystander among people.