Hi all,

Thanks for all the positive words and motivation. Ya know, I actually think maybe I should re-read all of this thread again as I have forgotten most of what happened, except for the good stuff….but of course…..that predisposition of the brain to rose colour everything.

I had forgotten he said he would start to resent me, wow, that stung at the time and stings now. I’ll try to cling to that one to evoke a little bit of anger if I can. I’m beyond stressed at the moment, work is overhwhelming me, I was so afraid of not finding work that I said yes to many projects and now I’m working long long days seven days a week, but look….at least it’s temporary.

Another source of upset and tears yesterday was that my sisters co-worker and friend lent me her parking spot in my sister’s work building as she is on maternity leave and she knew I would be working nearby for a couple of weeks and could use the parking spot. About two weeks ago I bought a little gift for her to thank her and hand back the keyfob, I had it in my head to give it to my sister to give to her at the first opportunity, but in those 10 days or one week, I have lost the fob. I am DREADING the outcome. It has been wracking me with guilt and anxiety. It’s actually quite difficult to get a replacement and if even possible is thought to be extremely expensive. But I’d put up with that but the worst part is telling her, she is quite a stern takes-no-prisoners person, albeit nice to have given it to me, I’ll admit I’ve always  been a little afraid of this lady. Anyway, I haven’t told my sister yet as she has so much of her own stress going on, but it really is the straw that broke the camels back this week because I’m hormonal and also stressed with my workload from all my other projects. It’s also very unlike me to be so careless. I am meticulous about that kind of thing, but somewhere in the confusion of the past week or so it disappeared. I checked my car twice thoroughly, all my handbags, my clothes, my house and no sign. It’s something that’s massively bothering me and then there is a lot of other niggly problematic stuff I’m trying to sort out with payments from the makeup counter work I did over Xmas and many many mistakes they have made with that and the fact that I have a skills and trade test second interview on friday morning in a store, whilst also trying to maintain my other work which is ongoing. Sorry for the stream of consciousness vent, I feel like i need to get it all out of my head in some manner, such as writing, because my head doesn’t have the capacity to hold it all anymore.

I hope you’re all doing okay. Trying to look for gratitude in my heart each day, but some days I struggle with my inner feelings and what I feel is a lack of purpose for my existence at times.

If anyone knows any prayers, chants, tricks for finding something lost…..send them my way! x